Monday, November 28, 2005

Is there anybody out there?

The semester is coming to a close and my enduring state of joblessness is beginning to irk me. I guess "irk" is a polite way of saying that it is beginning to drive me crazy, slowly but surely. Since being proactive is probably the only solution to this little problem, lately I've been hitting up anyone and everyone who's mother's cousin's uncle's friend is a partner at some firm and sending them cover letters that include phrases like, "Your second cousin twice removed So-and-So recommended that I write to you because I have always been interested in a career in X practice area and your firm has the preeminent X department."

Somehow, this never seems to work. Somehow, my bills get paid from the mailbox on my corner, but my cover letters go into the ether, into the great cover letter hole in the sky. I don't even get rejection letters from firms, it's as though the cover letters simply never reached their intended recipients. I have this theory that somewhere aliens are sitting in a parallel universe, casually slitting open my cover letters with alien letter knives, and they are laughing out loud at my resume. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" they say in their alien language, slapping their thighs with their green hands. "She thinks she can get a job with no GPA on her resume! Oh, name-dropping, that'll get you a job with MY firm! HAHAHA!"

I wonder what it would take for me to get a rejection letter. I know it's a gesture of politeness and that I shouldn't be so selfish as to expect that firms would really waste their $.37 on telling me to fuck off when silence does it just as effectively. But I need closure. I think next time some firm doesn't have the decency to let me down gently on their cheaper letterhead, I will start barraging them with more resumes, more cover letters, writing samples, phone calls, maybe a couple dead rats with cards tied around their necks reading "I write to inquire about the status of my application" delivered Federal Express. I just need to know that I'm even worth rejecting! Just say SOMETHING!!

Hello???

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