Tuesday, December 27, 2005

B all that you can B

It's that time of year again: finals are over, I have logged some quality TV on the couch time, and my cats are slowly remembering who I am. Two things, however, are present to disrupt the relative peace: the never-ending job hunt and the agonizing wait for grades. I don't really know why I set so much store in my grades at this point, but coming from a long line of overachievers (interrupted, sadly, by a short line of total underachievers - such as my father), I can't help but check my grades six times a day until they are all present. Naturally, although I finished the required work for one class on November 9th, and my finals were both over a week ago, I have no grades posted. Law professors are likely the laziest subset of gunners out there. They work approximately two hours a day - if that - and spend the rest of their time farting around their offices, "writing articles." Oh, sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, this must be the most highly-paid job if hours worked are divided into salary. It may represent a pay cut from Cravath, but I'd take a job that paid $95,000 a year or whatever and required me to work twelve hours a week.

This is all, of course, smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that when those lazy SOBs finally get it together and assign some grades to the drivel people handed in, I will have "the usual, please": one B after another. Bzzzzz. I'm allergic to Bs and yet they won't stop coming. I can study for three months for an exam, amending the outline after each and every class, retaining material like a sponge, engaging in intellectual discourse with my compatriots on a weekly basis, and emerge with an encyclopedic knowledge of the subject in question (See, e.g., First Year Contracts). Alternatively, I can keep the textbook's binding in its original condition, commence studying the day before the exam, and quote directly out of Emanuel's.

Bs.

And more Bs.

Bzzzz.

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Blogger Energy Spatula said...

OK, I don't know who that other guy is, but I TOTALLY know what you're talking about with the whole study/don't study = same grades things. Story of my life!

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Blogger The Namby Pamby said...

i operate under the assumption that c's get degrees

8:07 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Seriously, though, I am just hoping that I don't end up with the same grade as the kid who, in the middle of our Property exam, walked to the bookstore, purchased a new box of Law in a Flash, returned to the room and proceeded to open the crinkly plastic and FLIP THROUGH THE HYPOS in the middle of the exam.

11:08 PM  
Blogger some guy said...

I hate this time of year. I always say I'll check my grades in a month or so when they're all in. Of course I end up checking 37 times a day even though I know if they're not up by 10 a.m. they won't be up that day...

7:08 PM  
Blogger Strict Scrutiny said...

C's get degrees, and you know what they call the guy who graduates last in his class. A lawyer.* But is he a lawyer with a job? That's what I want to know.

*assuming he passes the bar, of course.

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