Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Bar Hop

Tonight I did something so terrible, so horrible, so totally against my will, something that shook me to the core. There is no turning back now, I cannot run and hide from my fate. This is the one thing that separates the men from the boys, the panic-stricken from the smug, and the unemployed slacker who lives on loans from the salaried adult. That's right. I have officially registered to take the July 2006 New York Bar Exam.

It's too late now, I can't decide that real estate would have been a better career for me, given my stunning good looks and ability to talk people into doing whatever I want. I can't just throw in the towel and work at Banana Republic (even though assistant managers at Banana make approximately the same annual salary as beginning assistant district attorneys). I am going to take The Bar, and I am going to become A Lawyer.

As if it weren't enough that I have to pay over $2,000 for BarBri, another few hundred for PMBR, and living expenses during the bar, of course I also have to pay $250 for the mere privilege of taking the exam itself. That's law for you: just when you think you're done paying, there's always another check to write to put you back in your place. The Bar Exam: $4,000. Becoming a Part of the Unhappiest Profession Out There: Priceless.

But I have made an important decision: I will NOT be taking the New Jersey Bar Exam. A number of equally unemployed friends of mine have decided to "broaden their horizons" by taking it, believing that it will make them more marketable. I say, if my horizon ever includes New Jersey, shoot me. I don't want to live there. I don't want to work there. I don't even want to see it out my window. If my career office is right and I should broaden the scope of my search to a state with fewer lawyers (like, say, Iowa - because they really did suggest that to someone I know), I'm moving to Puerto Rico or someplace with a nice climate. Tengo bail bonds!

Plus, those bastards across the river know that they are the bar of last resort, so they raise their registration fee by $75 every few weeks, just to capitalize on the rising panic of the jobless. None of those people will end up working in Jersey anyway, but it needs to exact its revenge somehow. Who better to kick than those who are already down?

This little blogger is going away for Passover, so have a great one. I shall return tanner, more optimistic, and entirely unprepared for finals. Hasta la vista!


Blogger Askinstoo said...

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6:07 PM  
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