Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Second bite at the apple

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Law school is officially over. I took my last final, threw out all my notes, sold back my (largely unopened) textbooks, and drank unti I didn't know my last name.

Then I started studying for the bar.

Today was part deux of New York Practice, a subject you may remember from my pre-BarBri whining. We learned about such fascinating subjects as contribution, indemnification, and venue! The good times just keep on coming.

HYPO: it is hot, and it is humid. I can barely think, let alone study New York Practice in this horrible heat and humidity. I sue for tortious interference with my bar studying. I prevail. The heat and humidity are determined to be liable for $100,000 in damages stemming from my physical discomfort and $100,000 for my mental anguish, specifically the persistent fear that I will fail the bar. The jury has apportioned liability: the heat is 40% liable and the humidity is 60% liable. Can the heat benefit from CPLR Article 16 with respect to my non-economic mental anguish damages?

Answer: No. The heat and humidity are intentional joint tortfeasors, and intentional tortfeasors cannot benefit from Article 16. Thus, both are jointly and severally liable.

Yup, I've cracked!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Climb Ev'ry Mountain

Well, the moment of truth has arrived. I've been waiting to post this information for a week but I can scarcely believe it's true, so I've held off. But I now truly believe it in my heart, so I can say it.

I got a job.

Someone wants to hire me.

I will not go on welfare, or to debtor's prison.

When people ask me where I'm working, I don't have to lie and say I haven't "decided" yet; I can look them in the eye and just say, "I am going to be an Assistant District Attorney."

THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES! IT'S OVER! I DID IT!

I have been walking around with a big grin on my face for a week now. People on the street must think I'm totally insane (of course, they're not wrong). A great weight has been lifted. Of course, I got my job with one week of law school remaining. It took right up until the very bitter end . . . which I had already predicted, of course, but what the hell. I'll take it!

And there is approximately 24 hours remaining in my law school career . . . I have one more final tomorrow morning and then that's all she wrote. That assumes, of course, that I didn't fail my New York Civil Practice exam, which is perhaps not a safe assumption.

So I just have to buckle down this afternoon and study for one more. Too bad my brain is completely fried and I cannot focus on anything. Just one more hurdle to go . . . must study . . . can't study . . .

Well, I may as well go out like I went in and treat this like a college exam. Which means I've still got a few hours until I need to start!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Procedural unconscionability

Today was my New York Civil Practice final exam. It's always interesting to me to learn on exam day how many people actually were registered for any given class. There are always at least 20 people I have never seen before in my life - they don't go to class, they don't hang out around the building . . . they just show up to exams and end up with the same degree that I am getting. Not that my attendance has been anything to write home about, but at least I went to a few classes!

I met some interesting characters this time around. When I came in, the proctors, in their infinite wisdom, directed me stage left to a chair on the aisle. In order for me to sit there, a guy I had never seen before had to move over because he was taking up three places instead of two. He gave me a super nasty look because he had to move, and stuck me with a broken chair. When I asked him to switch the chairs, he glowered at me and said, "I was here first." Whoa there, sorry to infringe on your space, buddy.

From my seat on the aisle, I could not see the board so I turned around and asked the guy sitting behind me which section our class was. He replied, "I don't know, I can't see either!" So we asked the next person over from him, since the next person over from me was clearly psycho. "Oh," replied the helpful Samaritan, "it says on the board which section we're in!"

Thanks.

Also, I would just like to point out a flaw in our professor's logic. When asked if he would provide us with a practice exam, he said, "No, in real life, you don't get practice exams." Okay, fine. But does that mean that in real life, you will only get three hours to handle three long fact patterns with a grillion issues each and two or three subparts per question?

Just asking.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Tell me this is a joke

Just in case anyone thought I was exaggerating the ludicrousness of school policy, try this one on for size: my sister's college graduation happens to fall on the day of an exam. I wrote to the student affairs office and asked them if we could reschedule the exam for the day before so I could attend. Here's what they said:

Unfortunately the faculty determined rescheduling policy does not permit rescheduling exams for such family obligations.
Best Regards.


Call me crazy, but what better reason is there under the sun to reschedule an exam than a family obligation? What in life is more important than family? Certainly not a fucking exam! I think I'll have my mother call and yell at them, as she is the only person on earth more capable than I of conveying through her tone of voice that she believes the person on the other end of the line to be no better and no more deserving of respect than gum on the bottom of her shoe.

Also, "best regards?" What are their worst regards like?*

I have half a mind to get in touch with the dean of my school and give them a piece of my mind. I think it's pretty appalling that they market themselves as being family-friendly by having a wide selection of part-time programs, but when you ask them to make a family-friendly decision, the "faculty" has "determined" that "family obligations" are not a good enough reason to reschedule exams. Translation: they are way too cheap to hire a couple of blind and senile proctors to sit in with me and make sure I don't cheat (on an open book exam, natch). I know my friend J is right and the school is just a "favorably taxed profit center," but they could at least pretend to be something else on times like this.

*In college, I always wondered why Ramen noodles were entitled "Top Ramen." What on earth did "Bottom Ramen" taste like??
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