Sunday, July 30, 2006

A post-bar exam wrap-up

It's been nice knowing that I can watch movies, go shopping, walk around, and see my friends without the guilt of the bar hanging over my head. But instead of the "I should be studying" feeling, I have the "I totally failed" feeling and it's hard to get excited about being done.

I'm such a party pooper - all I can think lately is about how unfair the MBE was, and how frequently I had to guess between three or even four choices that were virtually indistinguishable to me. I haven't been able to graciously accept a "congratulations" from anyone because I sincerely believe that none is due me. And after all the hard work I put in studying, I truly believed that it would be different.

I mean, I didn't feel quite so blindsided after the New York day. Yeah, it was a bit of a shock to see a no fault issue, and also that whole breach of the peace thing, not to mention I can never remember the damn New York rule for prior bad acts. But I knew I did my best and felt as though I had been able to convince anyone giving it a perfunctory 30-second read that I had studied and learned at least something.

But the MBE? I don't know. I've been reading in a lot of places that people blame PMBR for having infringed the so-called "copyright" belonging to the bar examiners. There's a widely rampant theory that this year's MBE was NCBEX's revenge for having figured out their usual M.O. and ripping it off to prepare us too well.

Here's what I have to say about that: fuck the NCBEX. If I go to PMBR, and learn everything they are telling me, then I am, in fact, learning the law, am I not? Which I was naive enough to believe was the point of this whole experience. I truly thought that the tricks and tips PMBR gave me were to facilitate learning an incredibly dense mass of information in a limited amount of time. On test day, I still showed up knowing what I believe I was supposed to know. So I paid some dudes who have photographic memories an additional $425 or something to help me learn it. Big deal - everyone knows that people pay money for BarBri, and even before that, people I knew in my private high school relied heavily upon Advantage Testing, which charged hundreds of dollars an hour, to prep them for both the SATs and AP exams. I couldn't afford that - yeah, I felt it was unfair, but that's life, kids. Them's the breaks.

So to penalize me for trying to learn so that I can pass, and practice, the very profession that I just spent three years of my life to learn is not only asinine but totally wrong-headed. It's mean-spirited and nasty, and I completely and totally resent it. It fucked my head up during the test, and it made me feel like I wasted both my time and money trying to get better at learning the very material I was told would be tested in the way I was told it would be tested.

And who would do this to me? Who runs the NCBEX? Lawyers. Who else? So to that guy prowling the Javits Center screaming "Face forward! Silence!" and to all the other petty douchebags who are responsible for my anger and frustration during a time when I'm supposed to be relieved to the point of exhiliration: fuck you. No, really - fuck you. As the Arabs say (a people who certainly know how to curse): may all the teeth fall out of your head, except one, and may that one tooth give you great pain.

If I saw one of you bitches drowning, good thing there is no duty to rescue, because I would not help you.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Where is the love?

Last night was not the Roman orgy I had dreamed about. I thought that after the bar, I would be in a great mood, take shots of something, and end up dancing on tables. I thought I would be singing along to songs about celebrating, or "school's out for summer" or something.

Well, I did drink - a beer and a half and three sips of a strawberry margarita. After two months of near-total abstinence, that was about all I could handle. (Oh, but don't worry, I did manage to throw up.)

And the joy? Conspicuously absent. The party I went to was about as much fun as hanging out with 50 shell-shocked Gulf War veterans in 1992. Nobody was in a good mood. Some people were happy to have it over with, but most just kept repeating, "Why did I even study? I learned how to play eeny-meeny-miney-mo in kindergarten."

Not to post-mortem here, but that test was fucking impossible. Not the New York day: I was pleasantly surprised by both my ability to recall minutae and the lack of a fundamental corporate change. Yay! But the MBE? What was that???

I know I shouldn't talk about it and should just revel in the fact that I am DONE! at least until the winter. But now that the dust is settling, I notice that my apartment is a disaster, the dishes in my sink smell bad, I have doctors I have to go to, the cats are angry with me for avoiding them, and my mother is insisting I go visit her now.

And I think I failed.


Monday, July 24, 2006

My Super Sweet Bar Exam

Here we go - let's hope for the best. To those of you who have accompanied me on this ride through hell, I hope we all emerge safe and sound (and admitted).

May character and fitness be our greatest hurdle.

And let us say, amen.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I don't

Tonight's venting is about a subject that, given my age and locale, I probably should have addressed eons ago. That's right: weddings.

It just so happens that a ton of people I know have gotten engaged recently. Most of them aren't my good friends, so luckily I am not yet obligated to squeeze into any satin dress in a color that doesn't flatter me (another benefit of having mostly guy friends). Lately, however, I have been bombarded by Bridezillas.

I sat next to one at PMBR, who is a good friend of mine (Bridezilla 1) from law school. During the course of the two days of review, I saw photos of her dress, the bridesmaids' dresses, the flower girl dress, the menu, the floor plan of the hotel, etc., etc. I was mildly fascinated by the whole thing, since it's pretty foreign to me, but not in a "Gosh I can't wait for my day to come!" sort of way, but a train wreck, "I hope this never happens to me" kind of way.

Bridezilla 1 is pretty stressed out. I can't blame her, since her wedding is literally the week after the bar and in a foreign country. Thus she made the decision to not take the New York bar. She'll just take New Jersey and call it a day.

Wow. Just, wow. The thing is, she is really smart. She did way better than me on that PMBR test, and would probably pass the NY bar even without studying any NY subjects. Even if she just wrote, "The rule against perpetuities applies in New York when a criminal defendant attempts to introduce evidence of his own good character" on a torts essay question she'd probably still pass based on her MBE score alone. But her attention is focused 75% on the wedding and 25% on the bar. I'd say, "get your priorities straight," but as my boyfriend pointed out to me, she's clearly already got them straight.

I am awed by her decision, but in the end, I respect her choices. Here's why I can say that: I've always felt very firmly that there's no shame in being a housewife if that's what a woman wants to do and her family can afford it. If feminism was supposed to be about choices, then her choice to not take the bar is just as valid as my choice to take it. So I wish her and her fiance the best and hope for their happiness ad mea v'esrim!

I wanted to buy her a gift, though, since I can't afford to go to her destination wedding. So I went to to find her registry. While perusing it, I decided to see who else among the engaged couples I know are up there. Well, never missing a chance to get free stuff, they all are, and some of the more heinous couples have wedding websites.

Wedding websites? you ask. What does one put on a wedding website if the wedding has not yet happened? Well, a wedding website contains, inter alia, a photo of the affianced couple, where their wedding will be, when their wedding will be, and most notably, "our story."

The "our story" section contains the story of both how the couple met and how they got engaged. Bridezilla 2, a girl from my section who IMs me constantly as I try to study talking about her wedding (to which I am not invited), recounted her engagement story in full, gory detail. Suffice it to say I wanted to vomit before I had reached the halfway point. But then I checked out a coworker from two summers ago's page. His dear fiancee had spared no dignity in telling the story, and it involved the holy trinity of proposal cliches: (1) he got down on his knee, (2) with tears in his eyes, and (3) whispered, with his voice trembling with emotion, "Will you marry me?" Oh, YES! (But first let me see the ring and make sure it's bigger than my friends'.) Anyway, this guy's fiancee is the JAP to end all JAPs - dumb, Japanese straightened hair, lives in Murray Hill, you name it. Oh, and she hates me almost as much as I don't care about her, so no way am I invited to this one. Luckily too - she registered at places where the cheapest thing on the list is a $200 pair of tongs (Tiffany's, Michael C. Fina, etc. - Bed Bath & Beyond is just so college!).

These girls plan their weddings for a year, maybe even more. They build up to it with lavish engagement parties and constant wedding chatter. In some cases, they maybe even cut off their options for after the wedding. But I have to wonder: when it's all over, after the honeymoon to Fiji, then what?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Celebrity justice

Is it me, or has the world gone totally crazy? Generally speaking, I have my head buried in a book, but whenever I look up, it seems that something else totally psycho happens. First of all, there's the Middle East, which I believe I've already expressed an opinion or two about. Then, I just read on Gawker how the 19-year-old skizzy who fucked Christie Brinkley's husband has given "exclusive" interviews to everyone who will listen. She is extremely pretty, of course, in a trashy sort of way, and her big eyes well up charmingly with tears of self-pity as she talks about how she was sort of used, and how she really regrets what happened, etc.

Now, I've never hooked up with a married guy (that being up there on my list of things I will never, ever do, along with heroin, bike riding, eating Korean food, and wearing leggings in public). But I have done stuff in my life I'm not so proud of. I've also gotten caught doing stuff I'm not proud of and I've had to apologize and make it up to people in a variety of situations.

But never once have I asked the world for sympathy. This chick is nineteen. Maybe she's of less-than-average intelligence, and maybe she is emotionally immature, etc. But why would you go on TV, with a married mother interviewing you, and beg the public at large for them to cry for you? Is this some ill-considered bid for further fame? I'd think that she'd just be embarrassed and want to retreat into obscurity as quickly as possible. But white trash (or whatever she is) seems to know no bounds. And, like I said, the world is going crazy.

Monday, July 17, 2006

All that she wants

I am going to throw caution to the wind here and whine for a few minutes. Here, in no particular order, is a non-exclusive list of things I want right now:

1. To be well rested
2. To be well-dressed again - I have worn the same skirt every day for the past, oh, I don't know, four or five days, just because it is there when I look for things to put on
3. The end of angry Arabs killing anyone and everyone who could possibly be blamed for their international irrelevance except for our reliance on their one natural resource
4. A good, long nap
5. Central air conditioning
6. The ability to fall asleep when I lie in bed at night, something I've never lacked before (and which has never even required lying down in bed - civil procedure, Metro-North, Starbucks - no problem!)
7. To go lie on a beautiful, deserted beach with a delicious coconut-flavored drink
8. A tan
9. Lasagna
10. Did I mention a nap?
11. A dishwasher
12. Ambien
13. To stop having nightmares that involve frighteningly vivid courtroom scenes
14. New York to adopt the Federal Rules of Evidence
15. To lose five pounds

Is all this too much to ask???

Friday, July 14, 2006

Root, root, root

Today, around 5:30, I stopped by my boyfriend's office at Big Firm X to pick something up from him. He met me in the lobby and pointed to a group of recruiters. "Check it out," he said. "They're standing there waiting for the summers to come downstairs so they can distribute their Yankees tickets."

"I want to go to a Yankee game! Can I go?" I cried out.

(Oh wait, I'm studying for the bar, right.)

Then I smiled, thinking about how if I weren't studying for the bar and it were a night I could go, I probably still wouldn't want to. Cause see, even if I got to go to fancy restaurants three times a week, or fun baseball games, or cooking classes at world-renowned culinary institutes, I'd have to do all this fun stuff with other summers. And how fun would that be?

The real prize would be if they gave gift certificates to do this stuff with people whose time you actually value. I'd rather eat a slice of pizza on my couch with my boyfriend than go to Daniel or whatever with a bunch of overeager summer asses. Enjoy that game guys!

Just wondering

CNN and many other "reputable" news sources are reporting that the Lebanese government has absolutely no control over parts of Lebanon, which are apprently entirely under the control of Hezbollah. And gosh, it's just really terrible how the poor Lebanese government just can't control them, and they really have nothing whatsoever to do with all of Hezbollah's evil activities, such as sending Katyusha rockets to Israeli areas of absolutely no military significance, such as the holy (and, I might add, absolutely beautiful) city of Tzfat.

That got me wondering. If parts of the United States were "under the control" of the KKK, and the KKK started firing rockets into, say, Mexico, would the whole world just sort of feel bad for the US government and ask Mexico to stop bombing KKK buildings?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Proofreading skills a *major* plus

An actual, honest-to-goodness e-mail received from the career office (emphasis added):

In House Council- [X Corp.]

Attention recent graduates. [X Corp.] is seeking a licensed attorney in NY and/or NJ or a bar candidate as an in house council. The applicant will be primarily responsible for contacting attorneys and governmental agents; appearing before the courts; negotiations drafting and reviewing contracts. Fluency in Korean and English is a must. To apply please email your resume and cover letter to [Illiterate Lawyer], Esq. at [email].

Apparently, I don't give the career office enough credit. I'm sure at least one person will find this opportunity enticing.

Actually, scratch that. The people who speak Korean are definitely all on Law Review.

But I'm not having a bad day or anything, really

To the fat bitches on law review shouting at the top of their lungs in the office next door and impeding my bar studying:

I know that in the game of law school, you won.

I know that you are more likely to pass the bar than I am, and that you have excellent jobs lined up for this coming September. I also know that you received a summer bonus, and likely a salary advance, just for being you.

But at least I am not morbidly obese, from Long Island or New Jersey, and at least I do not end every sentence with a question mark. (To wit: "Barbri's essay grading is, like, totally wrong? I mean, I totally saw that issue? I don't know what grader 210 was thinking?") At least I don't brag publicly about how my parents' cleaning lady comes in from the suburbs twice a week because "I just can't clean my own bathroom." At least I don't publicly promote the fact that I cannot cook [Ed.: because I can] and that the sight of raw meat makes me, like, totally nauseous! At least I have never bragged about how "I will so totally make the worst wife?"

Now do us all a favor and shut the fuck up so I can study.


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Sometimes the world makes me totally sick

This post will hopefully be an anomaly, because I tend to be a rather non-political person, but sometimes even the most apathetic among us have to speak up. I am sitting here, trying to study torts (duty, breach, causation, damages), but I am so mad about what's going on in the Middle East that it's sort of hard to concentrate. (Although there's always a good reason not to concentrate.) Nevertheless I must get this off my chest and then return to the "well-settled quartet" of indirect cause causation analysis.

I mentioned to a friend of mine from college last night that I might be going to Israel after the bar. She thought I was nuts to be going there with so much going on (and this was before Hezbollah decided to stick their dirty fingers into this mess). I replied that I didn't plan on hitting the beach in Gaza, and saying that since there are problems there, I shouldn't go to Israel at all is sort of like saying that there is crime in New Haven, so going to Connecticut is insane.

Somehow, the conversation turned to the situation in Gaza at that point, and she said that she understood why those animals are kidnapping people - it is because they "feel oppressed."

I was totally shocked. She is a friend whose opinions I have always respected - but this was really beyond the pale. I feel oppressed by the bar exam, does that mean I get to kill people? I think not.

I'm sorry but when Israel left Gaza (where they had every right to be), those fucks lost all right to complain about being "oppressed." They got their land. They told the whole world (which was stupid and/or gullible enough to believe them) that all they wanted was land. Land for peace. I thought that was retarded at the time, and I'm sad to say that I have been proven right. They don't want land. They want the entire state of Israel to be destroyed and they want complete sovereignty over the entire Middle East. They won't stop either, because the world seems to sympathize with them and will condone their asinine behavior because it's politically fashionable to do so.

Why, then, is it politically in vogue to support them when they have absolutely no legal or moral legs to stand on? Is it good old-fashioned anti-Semitism? I think, in large part, it is. Is it because Israel clearly is smarter, better-equipped, and more organized than they are? Is it because the world is scared of them, since they have shown absolutely no respect for human life, and it seems easier to appease them than to get blown up ourselves? Or maybe it is because the American media, even the most prominent papers out there, will write stories about how Israel has done x, y, and z in Gaza - without even mentioning why Israel is there in the first place: to try to find Cpl. Gilad Shalit, whom Hamas kidnapped and is holding in Gaza. Small wonder, then, that those who rely on the New York Times for their news hate Israel.

I may never understand why people make excuses for them. But it does make me totally sick to read comments from their supposedly peace-loving Prime Minister Abbas, who will blithely go on the record saying that it is bad that Israel has bombed empty buildings in Gaza to eliminate the terrorist meeting places, "But what is worse is targeting civilians, including families."

Tell that to the family of Eliyahu Asheri, a civilian who was kidnapped and killed just a couple weeks ago by Hamas (which of course got little or no American media coverage, for absolutely no good reason). I think the Asheri family might agree with him.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Service journalism - because really, I'm just that nice

Two links of interest:

1. Even the NY Times knows Dell sucks. But then, it is Dell that drove me towards being a Mac user, so they can't be all bad, can they? I guess it was worth the sacrifice of my old laptop two weeks before finals, first semester second year of law school (a mere month after my warranty expired, natch). Once you go Mac, you never go back!

2. Other people hate the bar, too. But somehow, when it's on Craigslist, it's funnier.

UPDATE: The above link has been removed, for whatever reason. Here's the text:

Fuck the NY Bar

...and fuck the board of law examiners. These motherfuckers have nothing better to do in life than ruin the summer of 10,000 starving law school graduates every year.

Hey assholes... ever wonder why half of all law school exams are open book? Because, lawyers don't need to memorize every fucking thing... we go to law school to learn how to LOOK THINGS UP!!!!

Fuck your stupid model answers. Fuck you and the 37 exceptions to hearsay. Take Blackacre and shove it up your ass. Tell your intended beneficiary to blow me. Would my foot up one of your asses constitute a material breach? If NY has such an indelible right to counsel, why do we have so many friggin' convicts? Did those guys pass your little quiz, you fucks? Oh, and by the way, thanks for the fucking typing lottery... and don't worry about all the people who didn't get in... we do not feel
DIASADVANTAGED in any way by having to write out six fucking essays. Like that's really fair.

Stay out of my wingspan... I'm pissed off.

A reasonably prudent law school graduate

* this is in or around a law library near you

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Bar Exam to Me: I'm Fucking You Tonight (and for the next two-point-five weeks)

Here we go, kids, two more subjects I won't really study and then it's the two-week leadup to the bar. No more BarBri to force me to wake up in the mornings (or, sometimes, the early afternoon so I can make it to the 1:30) - just me and the books.

And I know I'm not even going to have the luxury of goofing off or catching up on Friendster, TV, or even the rare nap. I got my score back from the BarBri MBE administered at the Javits Center last week, and let's just say I've got some work to do between now and July 25. I keep hearing stories about how people got in the 80s on the practice test (which thankfully I didn't) and ended up with 150-somethings on the real bar, so that's good, but not exactly something I'd like to rely upon. Especially in light of the fact that I am apparently scoring in the sixth percentile nationwide in Evidence, a subject that was supposed to be my best. Not that I trust their percentages, which make no sense whatsoever. If I got zero questions right on a topic, how did I still do better than nine percent of the country? Suspect. But still totally disturbing.

By the way, that test at the Javits Center was such a scene. I truly believe that if someone had shown me a photograph of thousands of poorly groomed, sweating, anxious law students coming in with their little plastic bags and Vitamin Water, I would have thought twice about attending law school.

Anyway, I think I will be hopping back onto the Paced Program train after the classes end this Tuesday. I think I need someone standing over me telling me what to do so I don't panic. It's going to be a long, long next couple of weeks, and my guess is that it will be at least moderately painful. But I'm ready. BRING IT.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I said, BRR! It's COLD in here!

Okay, people, I know that it's summer, and everyone likes to blast their air conditioner to remind themselves of how we have mastered mother nature, and all that.

But I ask you: is it really necessary to make it so fucking cold that I am studying here at school (against my will) wearing a fleece hoodie with the hood up and I am still freezing? IT IS JULY!

Has anyone heard of the concept of "room temperature?"
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