Sunday, January 01, 2006

From Russia with love

To begin my analysis of my New Year's Eve, I'd like to start with a quote from none other than Forrest Gump. He's been coming up a lot in conversation lately, despite the fact that I haven't seen the movie in about ten years and have absolutely no plans to do so again. But in his pseudo-charmingly idiot-savant way, he said, "My mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Earlier this week, my boyfriend applied this saying to his job at a big firm, adding some fine print to the truism which states, "If you are a lawyer at a big firm, there is a 95% chance that any chocolate you happen to choose will taste like shit. Blackout dates apply to the remaining 5%." Last night, the Gumpism came up at the New Year's party I went to.

After last post, I emailed a good friend of mine from college who is always guaranteed to know about good parties. He gets out a hell of a lot more than I do, and is always gracious enough to invite me and my entourage to join. Last night was no exception: he told me about a party in a certain neighborhood in Brooklyn close enough for me to walk to, with a very reasonable entrance fee and an open bar. He stipulated that the people throwing the party were a bunch of classical musicians, so the dork quotient may be high, but that lately they've done a decent job overcoming that and getting a pretty good crowd. I was psyched, not only for myself (I'd rather spend the night with the US Marines than more law students at this point) but for my beautiful, dorky, classical musician sister. I had dinner with her the other night and told her about it, saying that it sounded right up her alley and she should join us.

"Is it thrown by the E brothers?" asked N, slowly turning red.

"Um, yes, I think it is, why?"

"I dated one of them literally last month and he never called me after the third date. But he did send me an email inviting me to the party, and I couldn't even believe the nerve."

"Oh," I replied, "come on, N! You should come. Don't let a little thing like the presence of an ex ruin your New Year's! Just show up, you'll look hot, he'll be sorry, and you'll have a great time."

"No fucking way," replied N. And she wouldn't budge.

So last night my boyfriend and I gussied ourselves up. I wore a standard going-out outfit, a ton of eye makeup, and blow-dried my hair, and overall was quite pleased with the result. M picked us up in a cab and we hightailed it off to the party, in a fairly awesome dance space in an interesting area. I was at the party for about three minutes when I noticed J, the younger brother of my ex-boyfriend D. I had not seen J in almost three years, but he still had that disaffected, unwashed, rich-kid bohemian thing going on (a Bobo, one might easily say).

I grabbed M and boyfriend. "Check it out, my ex-boyfriend's younger brother is here. What the fuck?"

"Hey, check it out," said my boyfriend. "I recognize that guy. Isn't that D?"

I turned around and promptly nearly fell on the floor. Yes, that was D, my ex who had, in theory if not in practice, moved to Russia. Our split two and a half years ago was, how to put it, totally acrimonious and he's been trying to contact me ever since for God knows what reason. I don't fuck around and in the interest of getting rid of him, had changed my cell phone number, IM name, email address, and borough (well, okay, that was incidental). I had done an absolutely outstanding job of avoiding him over the past few years, but there he was in the flesh. What the fuck was he doing here at MY New Year's party?

Sometimes, life is like a box of chocolates. You take one, thinking it'll taste just fine, and then your fucking ex-boyfriend shows up out of nowhere and you want to throw it right up onto his shoes.

I handled the situation as one might predict: I got totally and utterly shitfaced. Luckily, my boyfriend handled this situation with his customary grace under pressure and ended up semi-bonding with the ex. Things could've for sure been worse, especially since we looked hot and my boyfriend is very good at defusing these situations and calming me down. The sight of the two of them chatting outside my earshot was, to say the least, bone-chilling, but once the initial shock wore off, I did fine. Sometimes, it's important to be challenged to realize just how okay you are, and last night was no exception. We laughed the situation off and had a good time anyway, and an important lesson was learned: just because someone moves to Russia, don't count on them to not show up when you least expect it. You never know what you're gonna get.


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