Monday, January 16, 2006

It's a race!

So the past two weeks have been spent immersed in a trial advocacy class. It was the first and probably only crowning moment for me in law school. Sure, I've done well in a couple classes, made a couple professors think I'm smart, and worked hard in certain extracurricular activities. But nothing made me feel like I might actually be a good lawyer someday quite like this class. In fact, if I am a good lawyer someday, this is the only reason that my law school will be able to take credit for it. Otherwise, everything I may accomplish in the future will be in spite of my school, not because of it.

I was exhilirated, loved trial work, and almost even lost my customary bad attitude. My friends and family were utterly confused by my obvious happiness. I was exhausted, but I was thrilled. The program ended yesterday in a full jury trial, and I was happy with the result. After the trial, I took the most glorious nap ever and woke up still happy.

Then I checked my e-mail.

My school being what it is, they have to turn everything into a competition. This program was no different. They select for a mock trial team, based on the judges' evaluations of us and rankings. Of course there has to be a ranking; of course, 10% of us have to win and 90% have to lose. And, of course, I have to be in that 90%. It's just like first year again: you get your hopes up, think you are competing at a higher level, and then find out that you are where you'd least like to be: solidly on the curve.

I'm a third year now. I'm nearly out of here, for better or for worse. I should be immune and too mature to let this kind of shit bother me. But somehow I'm not. Just once, I want to win.


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