Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I don't

Tonight's venting is about a subject that, given my age and locale, I probably should have addressed eons ago. That's right: weddings.

It just so happens that a ton of people I know have gotten engaged recently. Most of them aren't my good friends, so luckily I am not yet obligated to squeeze into any satin dress in a color that doesn't flatter me (another benefit of having mostly guy friends). Lately, however, I have been bombarded by Bridezillas.

I sat next to one at PMBR, who is a good friend of mine (Bridezilla 1) from law school. During the course of the two days of review, I saw photos of her dress, the bridesmaids' dresses, the flower girl dress, the menu, the floor plan of the hotel, etc., etc. I was mildly fascinated by the whole thing, since it's pretty foreign to me, but not in a "Gosh I can't wait for my day to come!" sort of way, but a train wreck, "I hope this never happens to me" kind of way.

Bridezilla 1 is pretty stressed out. I can't blame her, since her wedding is literally the week after the bar and in a foreign country. Thus she made the decision to not take the New York bar. She'll just take New Jersey and call it a day.

Wow. Just, wow. The thing is, she is really smart. She did way better than me on that PMBR test, and would probably pass the NY bar even without studying any NY subjects. Even if she just wrote, "The rule against perpetuities applies in New York when a criminal defendant attempts to introduce evidence of his own good character" on a torts essay question she'd probably still pass based on her MBE score alone. But her attention is focused 75% on the wedding and 25% on the bar. I'd say, "get your priorities straight," but as my boyfriend pointed out to me, she's clearly already got them straight.

I am awed by her decision, but in the end, I respect her choices. Here's why I can say that: I've always felt very firmly that there's no shame in being a housewife if that's what a woman wants to do and her family can afford it. If feminism was supposed to be about choices, then her choice to not take the bar is just as valid as my choice to take it. So I wish her and her fiance the best and hope for their happiness ad mea v'esrim!

I wanted to buy her a gift, though, since I can't afford to go to her destination wedding. So I went to to find her registry. While perusing it, I decided to see who else among the engaged couples I know are up there. Well, never missing a chance to get free stuff, they all are, and some of the more heinous couples have wedding websites.

Wedding websites? you ask. What does one put on a wedding website if the wedding has not yet happened? Well, a wedding website contains, inter alia, a photo of the affianced couple, where their wedding will be, when their wedding will be, and most notably, "our story."

The "our story" section contains the story of both how the couple met and how they got engaged. Bridezilla 2, a girl from my section who IMs me constantly as I try to study talking about her wedding (to which I am not invited), recounted her engagement story in full, gory detail. Suffice it to say I wanted to vomit before I had reached the halfway point. But then I checked out a coworker from two summers ago's page. His dear fiancee had spared no dignity in telling the story, and it involved the holy trinity of proposal cliches: (1) he got down on his knee, (2) with tears in his eyes, and (3) whispered, with his voice trembling with emotion, "Will you marry me?" Oh, YES! (But first let me see the ring and make sure it's bigger than my friends'.) Anyway, this guy's fiancee is the JAP to end all JAPs - dumb, Japanese straightened hair, lives in Murray Hill, you name it. Oh, and she hates me almost as much as I don't care about her, so no way am I invited to this one. Luckily too - she registered at places where the cheapest thing on the list is a $200 pair of tongs (Tiffany's, Michael C. Fina, etc. - Bed Bath & Beyond is just so college!).

These girls plan their weddings for a year, maybe even more. They build up to it with lavish engagement parties and constant wedding chatter. In some cases, they maybe even cut off their options for after the wedding. But I have to wonder: when it's all over, after the honeymoon to Fiji, then what?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This made me laugh out loud, as I am studying for the CA bar and planning my wedding for September! Everything you mentioned, I've done -- icky wedding website, engagement party, OCD-like details about the wedding -- but I did it during 3rd year of law school. I have refused to think about the wedding in the past two months, and any time I catch myself daring to daydream about that "magical" day, I shove myself back to reality and try to drum in one more rule of Civ Pro.

It's to the point where the "happiest day of my life" would be the day I pass the CA bar exam. Good luck, and hang in there!

2:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your wedding and good luck to everyone on the exam!

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so hear you on this.....and I love your "bitches on law review" rant, it made me laugh so hard I almost had my 3rd redbull of the day come out of my nose.
Thanks for giving me some comic relief while studying for the bar.

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you have the best perspective on these things! I often think this and you articulate it so well. I can't stand how weddings have devolved into these grand affairs that become more a nuisance than a celebration. Honestly, the way people act over there weddings is no different than the way that those morons act on my "super sweet 16" but somehow in the context of a wedding it is totally acceptable behavior. Please don't stop fighting the good fight against idiotic JAPs everywhere.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just happy to not see my Groomzilla moment in there. Thanks for giving me perspective and snapping me out of that mess.

- S

7:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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6:42 AM  

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