Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Panic! at the registrar

Just because I've graduated from my TTT law school does not mean that I am done being screwed over by them. Au contraire.

The long and arduous quest for a reasonable temp job to put an end to my couch-sitting, laundry-doing days led me to a very nice company who provisionally offered me a job. Great! However, the job was subject to a background check. I have no idea what they want to know about my character and "mode of living," as the FCRA disclosure paperwork ominously suggested, but since I don't have any real skeletons in my closet I was not afraid. I mean, there was that time I beat the shit out of this girl in my second-grade class. My mom came to pick me up from school and apparently I had beat her into submission down on the pavement in the playground and I was mercilessly kicking her, but she totally deserved it and I'm sure any real investigator would be able to figure that out pretty quickly (as a serious ass-beating is a reasonable response to "four eyes!").

That aside, I return my library books on time, feed and brush my cats, don't steal, and am generally a law-abiding citizen. Turns out the biggest problem had nothing to do with me or anything I have ever done wrong. The investigators were having some difficulty verifying that I actually graduated from the shithouse on my resume.

Now, I have considered lying about it and saying I went to NYU or otherwise denying that I went there, but the sad fact is that I did. I'm depressed about it, but it's true - trust me, I wish it weren't. Apparently, so do they.

The investigator called them to ask for proof. They said that she had to put her request in writing and fax it in. She did. No reply. She called back. They said, oh, fax it to this number instead. She did. And? You guessed it - no reply. So she called me, and asked if I could take a photograph of my diploma and e-mail it to her.

Ooooookay. No problem. Meanwhile, time goes by, so slowly, for those who wait, as Madonna so eloquently stated. I took the bar over a month ago, am totally sick of sitting around my neighborhood waiting for someone to send me a fucking paycheck, and so I am skipping town and going to visit some friends from college for the long weekend. I am leaving tomorrow. Maybe by the time I get back, I'll have somewhere to go in the mornings besides back to sleep.


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