Saturday, November 11, 2006

Insanity ensues

In furtherance of my goal of crying at work, I checked the NY bar exam website every single day last week until Thursday, when I saw the words I dreaded scrolling across the bottom: "The July 2006 bar exam results will be available here for candidate lookup on Tuesday November 14 at 9AM . . . The general passing list will be available on Thursday November 16 at 9AM . . . "

I nearly puked on my keyboard. Instead, I made an effort to compose myself and commenced the long and arduous process of waiting without indulging myself in the nervous breakdown that has bubbled not so far below the surface ever since.

I offer for your consideration an email exchange from last Thursday with W, a friend since first year:

Me: Oh help, they just posted that the bar results are coming out on Tuesday. Tell me everything will be okay??

W: yeah, I just vomited in my urine. [My boss] sent out an e-mail telling every new attorney...there goes any work for five days. I think of it as that I have failed and passing will be a pleasant surprise. Is it my fault that I don't know common law arson...hmmm! is it!

Me: On the upside, I will def lose 5 lbs like I wanted to, since the only thing my stomach is accepting lately is mint tea. I have also developed an eye twitch, is it me or did I used to handle pressure better?
I still like you even though you don't know common law arson.

W: eye twitch...i remember vividly when it first occured, end of fall semester, 1st year. Then 3rd year, then bar. My stomach has become liquid.. I think I need a diaper. This is shitty pressure because you can't do anything to change the outcome. If I fail, I'm quitting, I don't want to be a lawyer badly enough to take that test again. I will enlist, go to Iraq and chill the fuck out.

Me: Enlisting is actually the perfect solution...can they find me in Iraq to extradite me for my student loans? What if I move to a kibbutz and change my name, Malka or something, they can't get me right? I also don't want to take it again. I'd rather be named Malka than do it again and that is really saying something!!

W: by driving trucks in Iraq , all my pay would go to loans so if i do make it back I can begin anew...maybe I will become a law school psychologist

Me: Do you have the day off tomorrow? [Mutual friend] was just bragging about that to me. I should sort of just give up and go home today, I can't think, I am upset and no one understands, they keep saying, "What, there's nothing you can do! Relax!" RELAX? RELAX? RELAX???!>!>!?!?!?!?

Being a law school psychologist is a good idea, except then you have to hang out in a law school

W: yeah I have off tomorrow, but I hacve a ton of stuff to do so it doesn't mean I won't come in. You can't do anything, they are right, just put it out of your head....look at myspace or write a poem or go on a shooting spree...just do something

Me: How about binge drinking?

W: I'm not nervous...I'm very uncomfortable...and when I get uncomfortable I do stupid things like look at [ex girlfriend]'s myspace and friendster pages....I have been so good. Fucking BAr exam!

Me: I understand, shit like this sets you back. I myself want to curl up in the fetal position and cry for hours until someone picks me up and pats my back, but I'll settle for drinking some whiskey later, and then maybe vomiting.


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